Most viewed jokes

Why did Santa Anna bring only 4000 troops to the Alamo?
→ He only had 2 cars.

What goes "snap, crackle and pop"?
→ A firefly with a short circuit!

What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words? Which one's Mommy?

Why does a blonde girl always have a bruise around her belly button???
→ Cause blonde boys aren't that smart either.

A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he's groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.

She says, "That's it! That's it!"

He says, "It can't be. I part mine on the side."

A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night.

The bride rolled over and said, "That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?"

The husband replied "Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it."

"That's nice honey" she replied, "What did it look like after you rooted it?"

"Like a bulldog eating porridge" the husband replied.

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?
→ Just spell "Evian" backwards!

She's like yesterday's coffee -- a little weak in the bean.

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents."