A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
Who robs banks and squirts ink?
→ Billy the Squid.
What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up?
→ A big stinker!
What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
→ A chameleon on a tartan rug!
What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
→ One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
A lady walks into the dentist's office, takes off her underwear, sits down on the chair and spreads her legs wide open. "You must have made a mistake" says the shocked dentist, "The gynecologist's office is one level higher." To that the lady replies, "No mistake, you installed my husband's dentures last week, now you'll be the one getting them out."
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
→ - It might take me a while to get hard I just got layed last night.
There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Death Row Barbie ...comes complete with cell; raunchy cellmate sold separately
Why did the banana go out with the prune?
→ Because he couldn't find a date.
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for.
- Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.
- Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometres, say a Mercedes convertible.
The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited.
- Wow. Are you kidding?
- Yeah. But you started it.
