Most viewed jokes

- Wife: Who was that on the phone?

- Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau.

- Wife: What did he say?

- Husband: He asked if the coast was clear...

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy hollow in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted, and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said:

- You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today.

The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer:

- When do you have time to plough your land? At night?

- No - the young farmer replied seriously - Night is when I put the water in the hole.

Why don't you see blonde pharmacists?
→ They can't get the bottles into the typewriter!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Biker Barbie ...complete with leathers and tattoos

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?
→ Stop crying and viper your nose.

An airplane was losing altitude over the Rocky Mountains. The pilot over the intercom said that the entire luggage needed to be thrown overboard if they were to survive.

After all the luggage was thrown the plane was still going down so they asked for volunteers. A man from Paris went to the door and said:

- Viva la France.

Next a preacher went to the door and said:

- Lord forgive me for what I must do.

Finally a rich Texas cattle rancher said:

- Well guess I got to do my part,

and he grabbed two Mexicans and tossed them out and yelled:

- Remember the Alamo!

There once was an old man who was loved by everyone in the town where he lived. When he died, they buried him at a scenic location along a river.

A few days later there was a great rain storm and the river flood coffin was carried along the river in to the town. The casket flowed down the street past the supermarket and the school all the way into the pharmacy. It slid right in to the pharmacy and onto the counter. The lid popped open and the old man sat up and asked the pharmacist:

- Do you have anything to stop this coffin?

What do you call a masterbating bull?
→ Beef strokin'off.

A woman's three biggest lies...

1. You're the Biggest.
2. You're the Best.
3. It doesn't always taste like that.

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.

When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked:

- Who killed Jesus Christ?

The Jewish man answered without hesitation:

- The Romans killed him.

The chief thanked him and he left.

When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied:

- Jesus was killed by the Jews.

Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.

When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying:

- Could I have some time to think about it?

The chief said:

- OK, but get back to me tommorrow.

When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked:

- How did the interview go?

He replied:

- Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!