Most viewed jokes

The guy next to us was listening for quite some time, when he finally came over to our table and said:

- I am Polish and I can take a Polish joke as well as the next Polack, but your continued bashing of my race is getting a little old. Could you please change the subject?

We did.

Shortly thereafter.....my friend had to to to the bathroom and the burly Polack got up and followed him into the bathroom.

They were in there for QUITE A WHILE and when they FINALLY came out, I asked my friend:

- What happened in there?

He said:

- Well, you saw him follow me into the can.......

- Well he pulled a RAZOR ON ME!

- Really scared the hell out of me! And boy oh boy would I have ever been in a pickle if he had fould a place to PLUG IT IN!

An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches:

- Can I help you lad?

- Yesh, Shombody shtole me car! - the Irishman replies.

The cop asks:

- Well now, where was your car last time you saw it?

- It was at the end of this key.

About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman's member is being exhibited for all to see. He then asks:

- Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?

The Irishman looks down woefully and moans:

- OOH GOD... they got me girl too!

Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?
→ Just in case he got a hole-in-one!

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl.

After a year she went into the hospital to give birth.

The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

He answered:

- You've got to keep that old motor running.

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said:

- You really are amazing. How do you do it?

He again said:

- You've got to keep the old motor running.

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said:

- You must be quite a man.

He responded:

- You've got to keep that old motor running.

The nurse then said:

- Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black!

There was once was a blonde woman who had just bought a house.

She called it Harrybutt.

She had a child and named in Crack.

She lost Crack and couldn't find him.

So she called the police and said:

- I looked all over my Harrybutt and couldn't find my crack!

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
→ Shine a flashlight in her ear!

One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. The livestock dealer said:

- Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?

- Hey, thanks! - the farmer said, and off he went.

While walking he met a fair young lady with rather large beautiful breasts. She told him she was lost, and asked:

- Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?

The farmer said:

- Well, as a matter of fact, I'm going to visit my brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there.

The fair young lady said:

- How do I know that when we get in to the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and ravish me?

The farmer said:

- I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?

The young lady said:

- Easy silly! Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the friggen chickens!

Four Independence boys, Pugh, Sumter, Kilby and Grayson, were walking down a Clay County road when they came to a high, solid brick wall. Wondering what was behind it, Pugh, Sumter and Kilby boosted Grayson so he could take a look. "Looks like one of them nudist camps," reported Grayson. "Men or women?" asked Pugh. "Can't tell," said Grayson. "They don't have no clothes on."

- 1st Cannibal: I don't know what to make of my boyfriend these days.

- 2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot?

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Mick Jagger Barbie ...

Mick with Barbie's head...but Mick's lips