Most viewed jokes

How many right-to-lifers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Three. Two to screw it in, and one to confirm that light began while they were screwing.

What is black and white and red all over?
→ A panda bear with diaper rash!

What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinoccio's nose?
→ Tell a lie.

POLISH MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY FOR THE LAYMAN

• artery - the study of fine painting
• barium - what you do when the patient dies
• beneign - what you are after you are eight
• cesarean section - a district in Rome
• colic - a sheep dog
• congenital - friendly
• dilate - to live long
• fester - quicker
• G.I. series - baseball game between soldiers
• hangnail - coat hook
• medical staff - a doctors cane
• minor operation - coal digger
• morbid - a higher offer
• nitrate - lower than the day rate
• node - was aware of
• organic - church musician
• out-patient - a person who has fainted
• post-operative - a letter carrier
• protein - in favor of young people
• secretion - hiding anything
• serology - study of English knighthood
• tablet - a small table
• tumor - an extra pair
• urine - opposite of your out
• varicose veins - veins very close together

Michael Irvin was complaining to Calvin Williams about his first trip to the Super Bowl and how hard it was to get any sleep the night before the big game.

- I was awakened at one, two and four in the morning by a drunk cheerleader banging on the door and screaming - he recalled.

- That's terrible - said Williams.

- How'd you ever get any sleep?

- At five o'clock I finally unlocked the door and let her out - replied Irvin.

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

She says:

- What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!

One of the Blondes looks up and says:

- Yeah, but you've got a driver!

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
→ Hang onto your leaves, this will be no ordinary breeze

- Waiter, what is this cockroach doing on my ice cream sundae?

- Skiing sir!

Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought the teacher had said lions.

An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick.

Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself.

Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the antique shop owner if he had any more bargains.

- I've got the very thing for you - said the Irishman.

- It's the genuine skull of Saint Patrick.

- You swindler! - shouted the American.

- You sold me that ten years ago - and, producing the skull, added:

- Look, they're not even the same size!

- You have it all wrong - said the Irishman.

- This is the skull of Saint Patrick when he was a lad.