Most viewed jokes

How do you drown a blonde?
→ Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool!

What's the definition of strain?
→ Teeth marks in the toilet seat!

One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night". So he says "ok" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.

The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says "if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night." So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry.

The man says:

- To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him.

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.

- How was work, dear? - his wife asks.

- Listen! I don't want to talk about work! - he shouts.

- Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal? - she asks nicely.

- Listen! - he shouts again.

- I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage. Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself:

- Well, I guess it's that time of the month.

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says:

- Vietnam, 1969.

The other points his thumb behind him and says:

- Dog crap, 20 feet back.

Why do men die before their wives?
→ They want to.

A man was driving a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing the street. How did the man see her?
→ It was a bright, sunny day.

- It looks like rain today.

- Yes it does, but it smells like soup.

- Police Officer: Why did you lead me on a five-state chase?

- Driver: I love to travel.

- Teacher: Who built the first American car?

- Student: Me Pilgrims.

- Teacher: The Pilgrims?

- Student: Yeah, they made the Mayflower Compact.