A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."
What do you call an aardvark that's been thrown out of a pub?
→ A barredvark!
- Teacher: Where is your homework?
- Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school
Don't steal... The government doesn't like competition!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To show the squirrel it CAN be done!
What do you get when you mix a dinosaur and a lesbian?
→ A Lickalotapuss!
There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburg. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass.
Well endowed, gorgeous, amazing. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window.
- Young lady - he began, I would like three pickets to titsburg...
Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached.
- Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburg - he began, and I would like the change in nipples and dimes.
So of course he also fled.
Then came the third.
- Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburg, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say - he continued, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you!
What happens when a paranoid has low self-esteem?
→ He thinks that nobody important is out to get him.
Donald Duck walked into a drugstore & asked for a packet of condoms.
- Certainly, sir - said the lady behind the counter, shall I put them on your bill?
- NO WAY! - replied Donald Duck, What do you think I am, a Dickhead?!
Inventions by Blondes...1. The water-proof towel2. Glow in the dark sunglasses3. Solar powered flashlights 4. Submarine screen doors 5. A book on how to read 6. Inflatable dart boards 7. A dictionary index 8. Mechanical Pencil sharpeners 9. Powdered water 10. Pedal-powered wheel chairs 11. Waterproof tea bags 12. Watermelon seed sorter13. Zero proof alcohol 14. Reuseable ice cubes 15. See-through toilet tissue16. Skinless bananas 17. Do-it-yourself road map 18. Turnip ice cream 19. Toe implants 20. An all white flag21. Rolls Royce pickup truck 22. Helicopter Ejector Seat
