A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied:
- You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.
Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other.
- It's windy - said one.
- No, it's Thursday - said the next.
- So am I - said the third.
- Let's go and have a drink!
What brings the monster's babies?
→ The Frankenstork.
Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
- I have an idea - said Mike.
- We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.
- What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.
- What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there.
A long time ago, way back then...we used to spell Canada, Cnd.
Why? you ask. Well it's really simple...
It's because we forgot the eh?
Wuz de night befo Crismus
An all ober de hood
Everybody wuz sleepin'
Day wuz sleepin' good.
Everbody wuz sleepin'
all tight in they beds
Whilst Thunderbird Wine
Danced in they heads
I was passed out on de flo
Right next to my Ma
When I heard such a fuss
I thinked:
- It must be de law!!
I looked out tru de barz
dat covered my do
Spectin' de sherif
with a warrant fo sho!
Now ober de years
Sanny Claws, he be white.
But it lookin' like us bros
got a black Sanny dis night
Now what I did see
made me say:
- LAWD Lood at dat!
It was a huge watermellon cadi
pulled by dwarf rats
Faster than a po-lice car
True de air he came
an whupped up on dem warf rats
an called emm by name.
On Leroy, on Kendrick,
On Jontarious Lee, on Falacious
They was a sight to see
He didn't go down no chimbly-
just picked de lock on my do'
An I says to myself:
- Shit! He done did befo'!
He had a big sack
full of presents I spect
With Air Jordans and Fake Gold
to go 'round my neck.
But he didn't leave any presents-
just started steelin' my shit
He got my drugs, my stoled guns
an even my burglars kit!
With his sack on his back
Out de winder he flew
I sho woulda catched 'em,
but he stole my knife too!
He jumped on dat watermelon cadi
and pulled out a switch
He was gone in a second
dat son-of-a-bitch
I sho hope nex year
a white Sanny we git'
Cause de black Sanny Claws
jus' ain't wuf a shit!!
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what's up.
- He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup - the clerk explains:
- So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once.
- Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot - the owner shouts angrily.
- Sure it will - the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall:
- Look at him. He's afraid to cough.
Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!
Why do witches have stiff joints?
→ They get broomatism!
A traveller pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby.
After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm.
- Fancy meeting my wife here - he says to the clerk.
- Guess I'll need a double room for the night.
Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over $3000.
- What's the meaning of this? - he yells at the clerk.
- I've only been here one night!
- Yes - says the clerk - but your wife has been here for three weeks.
