A brunette was walking on the railroad tracks saying, "21...21....21...." when a blonde jumped on. A train came and the brunette jumped off...the train hit the blonde. The Brunette then got back onto the tracks and started saying, "22.....22......22....."
A man walks into the bathroom, and steps up to a urinal. He can't help but notice the short man at the urinal next to him, and the large penis this man has.
He says to the short man:
- Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice what a large penis you have.
The short man replies:
- I am a leprechaun, and I can grant you three wishes.
The man is kind of skeptical, but he decides to believe him anyway.
- OK - He says - I want to live in a mansion.
The short man replies:
- Sure. Tomorrow morning you will wake up in it.
The man says:
- Next, I want a beautiful girlfriend.
- OK - the short man replies - Tomorrow you will wake up next to her.
The man is still not sure whether to believe him, but he continues.
- I want a penis as large as yours.
- Alright, but there is one catch - the short man replies.
- What's that - the man asks?
- I have to have sex with you from behind - the short man says.
The other man thinks for a second, and decides anything is worth getting a penis that large.
- OK, go right ahead.
The short man starts to do his thing, and the other man says:
- I can't believe I'm gonna have a penis as big as yours.
The short man replies:
- I can't believe you thought I was a leprechaun!
Why was the belt arrested?
→ Because it held up a pair of pants!
Why do women talk more than men, and why are men smarter than women?
→ Because women have four lips and men have two heads!
How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.
Recently during the heavy rains they have experienced in New England the mail carrier for one neighborhood commeneted on the "pouring rain." Well, atleast the dew point is coming down!
What usually comes after the monster lights the birthday candles?
→ The fire department.
A family of ducks were walking down the road when an 18-wheeler ran over all but 1 baby. Farther down the road a family of skunks were walking the other way when the same 18-wheeler ran over all but one baby. The duck and the skunk finally met each other and the duck said, "Excuse me, my mom died down the road. Would you tell me what I am?" "Well", said the skunk "You have webbed feet, a beak, and feathers. You must be a duck." "Thanks" said the duck; then the skunk said, "My mom died down the road too, will you tell me what I am?" "Well", said the duck, "Your black, your white, & your mom's dead, you must be O.J.'s kid"
What time is it when you sit on a pin?
→ Spring time.
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
- I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade - he said.
- I'll be back in a few minutes.
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said:
- Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you.
- That wasn't my daddy - said the boy.
- He just walked up, took me by the hand and said:
- Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!
