Most viewed jokes

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde to stand in the circle and not move. He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said:

- Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this.

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.

He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

- What's so funny? - The truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied:

- When you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle 4 times.

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:

- Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks:

- Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice:

- I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit.

A worried father confronted his daughter one night:

- I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it.

- Oh no, Daddy - the daughter replied - Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote:

- Woman, without her man, is nothing.

The women wrote:

- Woman: Without her, man is nothing.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
→ Internet, telephone, telawoman.

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter.

- I just got some news, Mom - he said.

- The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?

- What do I think? - his mother said.

- Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!

What did the primary rainbow say to the secondary rainbow?
→ Your pants are on backwards

here were these 3 Riverside City Firemen who always went bird hunting together and they always rented a hunting dog name Rex from a local farmer. Rex was a great dog and would always hold point and find any birds they shoot. One year they did't go hunting and the farmer rented Rex out to some Corona City Firemen who used him that season. The next year the Riverside guys went to rent Rex from the farmer for hunting but the farmer had bad news for them. He told them Rex was no longer any good for hunting and didn't have a replacement for him and to tell the Corona firemen they were not welcome there any more and that if he saw them he would probably shoot them for what they did to Rex. The R.F.D. guys asked the farmer what the Corona boys did that could be so bad.
Well the farmer said last year when they rented Rex it all started off fine until one of the Corona guys decided to rename him. Well whats wrong with that they asked. The farmer said they renamed him CHIEF and now all he does is sit on his ass and bark all the time.

What do witches eat at Halloween?
→ Spook-etti, Halloweenies, Devil's food cake and Boo-berry pie.

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past:

- C'mon, tell me - she asked for the thousandth time - how many women have you slept with?

- Baby - he protested - if I told you, you'd throw a fit.

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

- Okay - he said - One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13..