Most viewed jokes

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Aaron

- Aaron who?

- Aaron the barber's floor!

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
→ A URLologist.

I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it cause it was prettier than most.
The clerk said:

- It's made in Germany.

I said:

- That's too bad, I can't use it then.

The clerk said:

- What's the matter? You don't like German pens?

I said:

- No. I just never learned to write German.

There was a guy walking down the street in San Francisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp.

He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thought it was priceless.

While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in, it rubbed against his shirt.

POOF! A genie popped out of his pocket!

The very angry looking Genie said:

- All right, I have had enough with this three wish stuff, and 'cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special, I will only give you one wish!

The surprised man said:

- OK, I want to live in Hawaii in a huge condo on the beach with three million dollars in the master bedroom, but I am afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a bridge from here to Hawaii.

The genie replied with a smirk:

- Are you crazy? Do you know how long that will take, with the pillars going down to the bottom of the ocean, all the cement it would take for the highway? No I'm sorry, it just can't happen.

The man said:

- Fine then, I want to understand women.

The genie said:

- Would you like two lanes or four?

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
→ The 1988 Hide-and-Go-Seek World Champion.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the hotel manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse.

- But why? - they asked, as they moved off.

- Because, - he said - I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said:

- You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah.

This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said:

- I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.

- Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?

The genie laughed and said:

- That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?

Think of how much concrete! How much steel! You're going to have to think of another wish.

The man agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said:

- I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to figure out why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing', and know how to make them truly happy.

The genie paused for a while and said:

- How many lanes do you want on that bridge?

What type of wind is named after Santa Claus's warm climate cousin?
→ Santa Ana

How easy is it for wind gusts to talk to each other?
→ It is a breeze

How to predict weather in Seattle: If you can see Mt Ranier, it's going to rain. If not, it already is.