Most viewed jokes

I know I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly. I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help. You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry. I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so.. Do you have a piece of gum?

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place....

- Man: What's the problem officer?

- Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

- Man: No sir, I was going 65.

- Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80.

[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]

- Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

- Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

- Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.

[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]

- Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

- Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

- Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man turns to his wife and yells:

- Shut your damn mouth!

Officer turns to the woman and asks:

- Ma'am, does your husband talk to you like this all the time?

- Wife: No, only when he's drunk!

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

What's the favorite subject of young witches at school?
→ Spelling.

How is snow white?
→ Pretty good, according to the 7 dwarfs

- First witch: Here's a banana if you can spell it.

- Second witch: I can spell banana. I just don't know when to stop.

Men are like government bonds.

They take so long to mature.

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

- How about some perfume? - he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

- That's a bit much - said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

- That's still quite a bit - Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.

- What I mean - said Tim - is I'd like to see something really cheap.

The clerk handed him a mirror.