Most viewed jokes

Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind

How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.

McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum.

- It's to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes - she explains.

When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her.

- Miss, I'm meetin' me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears? - he said.

Why can't a ghost have sex??
→ Because he has a hollow weenie!

A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and stops them. They show him their papers, but he thinks they are phony.

He tells them:

- Okay, I have a test for you. I want you to use the words liver and cheese in a sentence.

So, the first guy says:

- I made a liver and cheese sandwich for lunch.

The agent says:

- That was good, you can go. What about you? - he asks the second guy.

He says:

- Liver alone, cheese mine.

Yo mama's so poor she wears her McDonald's uniform to church

Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house and swatted a fly, she yelled:

- Hey where'd grandma go?!?!?!

Yo mama's so poor when I went to her house and asked to use the bathroom, she said:

- Two trees to your left

Yo mama's so poor when she heard about the last supper, she thought she ran out of food stamps.

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't givin' him any of mine."

Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'em till I run him off or kill 'im, but I AM KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."

They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

First Bull: "You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting -- the bull's equivalent of an Ape's beating his chest or Man's bone-chilling, war-like cry of "Stay away from my Woman, Vato!!

First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.

"Third Bull: "Hell , Mister, he can have ALL MY COWS.

I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"

There were three dogs at the vet talking to each other when one says, "I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that's why I'm here". The next dog said, "I peed on my masters $1,000 rug". The next dog then comes in and say's, "My master is a female and she likes to clean house in the nude, so when she bent over to pick up something, I went for the ride of a life time!" "And that's why you're here?" asked the other dogs. "No, I'm getting my nails clipped."

Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he called home, his wife told him:

- Miles, they had your name in the obits today.

- What! In the obituary column! That's not only disgraceful but bad journalism. I'll sue 'em.

- Tell me, Miles - his wife asked tremulously.

- wh...wh...where are you calling from?