Most viewed jokes

Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Sung to the Oscar Mayer? song:
His baloney has a first name,
It's:

- I did not inhale.

His baloney has a second name:

- I wasn't getting tail.

He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!"

There was an Irishman, a New Zealand man and an American man standing on the roof of a building, with an awning below them.

The American said to the Irishman:

- I bet I could jump off this roof, land on the awning and bounce back off.

So he jumped off, hit the awning, and was soon back on the roof.

- There. Now you try. - he said to the Irishman.

So the Irishman jumped off, and fell SPLAT on the ground.

The New Zealander said to the American:

- Jeez, Superman, you are a real jerk sometimes!

A polish guy wins a brand new sports car in a contest. He drives around all the time waving at the rednecks.

One day the rednecks stop him, they draw a circle in the dirt and say:

- If you step out of that circle, we will kick your ass.

They pick up hammers and start busting up his new car. They look back and he is smiling. They hit the car some more, and he is laughing.

They walk over to him and ask:

- Why are you laughing, we just busted up your car.

He says:

- I know, but I stepped out of the circle 9 times.

A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was felling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by. "OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he stepps into the closet. At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.

- Husband: What the hell are you doing here!

- Repairman: Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!

Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

How do rain drops marry?
→ They coalesce

What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben?
→ He found time-consuming.

- You know an ancestor of mine came over on the Mayflower.

- Really? Which rat was he?