Most viewed jokes

Two friends in a Bar:

- JACK: Joe, at what moment does your wife shout loudest during sex?

- JOE: Er..., when I clean myself off with the curtains.

One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair and sadly said:

- Why is some of your hair white mommy?

The mother replied:

- Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white.

The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said:

- Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?

Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't...

Have you looked through her briefs?
He is one hard judge!
Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
Is it a penal offense?
Better leave the handcuffs on.
For $200 an hour, she better be good!
Can you get him to drop his suit?
The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
Think you can get me off?

The wife comes home from a night at bingo with a new fur coat. She says:

- Honey, look what I won at bingo.

Next week she comes home from bingo with a large diamond ring. She says:

- Honey look what I won at bingo.

Next week she come home from bingo driving a new porsche, she says:

- Honey, look what I won at bingo.

The next week as she is preparing to get ready for bingo, the husband asks:

- Honey shall I draw you a bath?

To which she replies:

- Why sure.

As the wife enters the tub she notices there is less than a inch of water in the tub.

She asks:

- how am I supposed to take a bath in this amount of water?

To which the husband replies:

- I wouldn't want you to get your bingo card wet!

YO momma so fat that they had to install speed bumps at all you can eat buffet

Yo mama so fat she wears a vcr as a beeper.

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire?
→ A very witch person.

Two guys in a jungle, come around a corner and meet a lion head-on pawing the ground.

One guy ever so carefully reaches into his knapsack and slowly takes out a set of Nike running shoes, never once breaking eye contact with the lion.

2nd guy hisses:

- What are you doing, you can't outrun the lion

1st guy says:

- No, but all I have to do is outrun you!

There once was a girl from Wenatch,
She tried to get it on with a match,
She got so excited,
The damn thing ignited,
And burned all the hair off her snatch!

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying:

- Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy - Either way, you get your dog back!