Most viewed jokes

Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat?
→ Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go the fridge.

What's the penalty for bigamy?
→ Two mothers-in-law

The room was full of pregnant ladies and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced:

- Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!

The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

- Yes - replied the teacher.

- Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?

Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties?
→ Because there's lots of school spirit!

Why is 6 scared of 7?
→ Because 7 ate nine! (7, 8, 9)

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.

Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students.

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man.

- Get over it, buddy, - he said:

- It's not the end of the world. - It's all right for you to say, - answered his buddy:

- But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife? The fella ponders for a moment, then says:

- I'd break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass.

yo mama so fat she has seat belts on the chairs to keep her fat from rolling off!!!!!!!!!

A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral."

~WHAT DO YOU CALL A SPICE GIRL WITH TWO BRAIN CELLS? PREGNANT~WHAT DO YOU CALL A SPICE GIRL BEHIND A STEERING WHEEL? AN AIRBAG~WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK INTO A SPICE GIRLS EYES? THE BACK OF HER HEAD