Most viewed jokes

The World's Shortest Books

25. "My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by O.J. Simpson
26. "To All The Men I've Loved Before" by Ellen DeGeneres
27. "The Book of Virtues" by Bill Clinton
28. The Difference between Reality and Dilbert
29. Human Rights Advances in China
30. "Things I Wouldn't Do for Money" by Dennis Rodman
31. Al Gore: The Wild Years
32. Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
33. America's Most Popular Lawyers
34. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
35. Detroit - A Travel Guide
36. Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
37. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
38. Easy UNIX
39. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
40. Everything Men Know About Women
41. Everything Women Know About Men
42. French Hospitality
43. George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names
44. "How to Sustain a Musical Career" by Art Garfunkel
45. Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
46. Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
47. Staple Your Way to Success
48. The Amish Phone Directory
49. The Engineer's Guide to Fashion

If the Franklin Mint made toasters...

Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic Civil War pewter toaster.

A man eating at restaurant says to his waiter, 'waiter, there's a fly in my soup!' The waiter replies, 'That, sir, is entirely possible, you see our cook used to be a tailor.'

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right," he asked, "for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?" "Absolutely not!" replied the pastor. "In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if you'd consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July."

- I've had it with my wife - said the one drinking buddy to the other.

- I'm filing for an divorce.

- Sorry to hear that pal - said his partner.

- May I ask why?

- I found her supply of birth control pills - said the first.

- Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can't see leaving your wife for what the Church says is a sin.

- It ain't just that - stormed Frank.

- I had a vasectomy over five years ago.

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat.

Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the arab in the window seat said:

- I think I'll go up and get a Coke. (Shuttle flights do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.)

- No problem - said the Jew.

- I'll get it for you.

While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew's shoe and spit in it. The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said:

- That looks good. Think I'll have one too.

Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it. The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

- How long must this go on? - he asked.

- This enmity between our peoples ....this hatred... your spitting in my shoes and me pissing in your Coke?

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, ...it's up to you!"

Yo mama so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!

Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.

Why doesn't the dinosaur cross the road anymore?
→ Because their eggs stink. (They're extinct)