Most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
→ A hoppercraft!

A rancher from Central Arizona died and went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, "Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Arizona." The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not Saint Peter...and second, you really don't know where you are at all, do you?"

With all the recent talk of cloning, you'd think it was a new thing.

But in fact, a very wealthy westerner had himself cloned many years ago. The boy grew up to have very foul mouth. The more the son swore, the madder the father got. One day, the father got so mad he pushed his son off a high cliff. The sheriff arrested him for making an obscene clone fall.

What are 3 problems about being an egg?
→ You only get laid once, the only woman to sit on your face is your mother, and it takes 4 minutes to get hard.

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied:

- I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.

Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied:

- I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what to do about her. The captain said:

- I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.

He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself:

- Why didn't anyone just say so?

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said:

- I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York.

The doctor comes out of the delivery room and says to the father:

- I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Jones, but apparently your child was born with no arms, only one leg, and teeth that project six inches out of its mouth.

Mr. Jones cries:

- My God! What will we do with such a deformed baby?

The doctor says:

- Use it as a rake?

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.

The doctor says:

- Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?

The mother says:

- It's my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings.

The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says:

- Well, I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant - about 4 months would be my guess.

The mother says:

- Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?

Darla says:

- No mother! I've never even kissed a man!

The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says:

- Is there something wrong out there doctor?

The doctor replies:

- No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored.

- What would you like to do next? - he asked.

- I wanna be weighed - she said.

So the young man took her over to the weight guesser.

- One-twelve - said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right.

Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.

- I wanna be weighed - she said.

I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home.

The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked:

- What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?

- Wousy - said the girl.

Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler?
→ It rips off your arm, then runs for help.

A guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the road. As he comes closer, the frog starts to talk:

- Kiss me and I will turn into a princess.

The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket.

The frog starts shouting:

- Hey! Didn't you hear me? I'm a Princess. Just kiss me and I will be yours.

The guy takes the frog out of his pocket and smiles at it and puts it back.

The frog is really frustrated:

- I don't get it. Why won't you kiss me? I will turn into a beautiful princess and do anything you ask.

The guy says:

- Look, I'm a computer geek. I don't have time for girls. But a talking frog is cool!