Most viewed jokes

What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?
→ Well, you see, the Panama canal is a busy ditch...

A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses.

- Boy - said the farmer - that sure makes me want to do the same.

- Well, go ahead - said his girlfriend - It's your cow.

A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby.

- Say, farmer. Is that bull safe?

- Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university. They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, anthropologist and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

- Sure - said the druggist.

- Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up.

Yo mama so fat when God said, "Let there be light" he he to ask her to move out of the way.

Four nuns are driving to market and get hit by a drunk driver and all four nuns die. They get in line to go through pearly gates and wait for St. Peter to admit them.

St. Peter goes to the nuns and says:

- I realize that you are sisters of the cloth, but I must ask you if you have anything to report to me that might be a sin.

The sisters thought for a while and the first nun went to St. Peter:

- I once touched a man's penis with this finger.

St. Peter thought for a while and said:

- I'm sure it was in the line of duty; Place your finger in that holy water and swirl it around.

She did as she was instructed and "PING" she was in.

The second nun went to St. Peter and said:

- I once touched a man's genitals with my entire right hand.

Again St. Peter thought for a while and said:

- I'm sure it was within your duties; Swirl your hand in that holy water and go in.

The second nun did as she was instructed and "ping" she was in.

All of a sudden the 4th nun jumped in front of the 3rd nun. St. Peter was really confused by this:

- How come you cut in front of Sister?

The 4th nun replied:

- I just wanted to know if I could gargle with that holy water before she soaked her ass in it!

5 Good Reasons not to be a Penis!

1. You're bald your entire life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. You live between two nuts.
4. An asshole lives behind you.
5. When you get excited, you throw up and then you faint.

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away.

The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen minutes.

Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves?
→ Mickey Moose!