Most viewed jokes

Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater.

- That man beside me is fumbling his crotch - one whispers to the other.

- Just ignore it - is the answer.

- Easy for you to say. He's using my hand!

Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon.

- Shit - said the first bloke,

- as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the wife's knickers off!

- What's the rush? - his mate asked.

- The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me - the bloke replied.

How do you castrate a hillbilly?
→ Kick his sister in the mouth!

What have 12 legs, six eyes, three tails and can't see?
→ Three blind mice!

A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries. She says, "Well, what did you do for love?" He says, "Love? What's that?" She says, "I'll show you." She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows him one more time. When they're finally done, she says, "Well, how do you like love?" He says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger."

A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class. He wrote on his paper, "The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony"

How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ 1,331

• 1 to change the light bulb and to post on the mailing list that the light bulb has been changed.
• 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
• 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
• 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
• 53 to flame the spell checkers.
• 156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
• 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
• 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
• 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
• 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.
• 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
• 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
• 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
• 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
• 33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
• 12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
• 19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
• 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
• 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
• 47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
• 143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

What do toads drink?
→ Croaka-cola!

- Is this really your third marriage?

- Sure is.

- What happened to your first two wives?

- They died.

- How did your first wife die?

- She ate some poisonous mushrooms.

- What about your second wife?

- She died from a severe skull fracture.

- How did she get a skull fracture?

- She wouldn't eat the mushrooms.

A motorist pulls up to the gas pumps and says:

- fill it up, please

The Attendant notices that the front and back seats of the car are occupied by penguins.

- Hey Buddy - says the attendant to the driver:

- These birds can't be happy like this...they're wild animals, you should take them to a zoo or something..

The motorist agrees to do so.

The next day the guy drives into the filling station and once more the attendant sees the penquins installed in the front and back seats, and they are all wearing sunglasses and holding towels...

- What's this? - he says to the driver:

- I thought you agreed to take these birds to the zoo?

The driver says:

- I did...and they had such a great time that today I'm taking them to the beach.