Most viewed jokes

A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her:

- Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

- Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic - she replied in a loud voice.

- She: Do you think of me when you're away darling?

- He: Yes honey, I always bare you in mind.

Yo mama so fat she has more chins than a chinese phone book

Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear
(to be sung to "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland")

Lacy things - the wife is missin,
Didn't ask - her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' round in women's underwear.

In the store - there's a teddy,
Little straps - like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Marvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.

He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say, "Whoa, Man!"

"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress - like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' round in women's underwear!

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.

He inquisitively ask the lady:

- Why is your stomach so big?

She replied:

- Im having a baby.

With big eyes, he asked:

- Is the baby in your stomach?

She said:

- He sure is.

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked:

- Is it a good baby?

She said:

- Oh, yes. It's a real good baby.

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked:

- Then why did you eat him?

While enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her flat they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it. Finally, the spent young bloke rolls over, pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand.

- There might be some matches in the top drawer - she replies.

Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the bloke begins to worry.

- Is this your husband? - he inquires nervously.

- No, silly - she replies, snuggling up to him.

- Your boyfriend then?

- No, don't be daft - she says, nibbling away at his ear.

- Well, who is he then? - demands the bewildered bloke.

Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies:

- That's me before the operation.

A hunchback is running along a street being chased by a pack of children.

He stops, turns around and shouts:

- Will you all get lost! I haven't got your bloody ball!

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
→ They taste funny!!

A girl runs home to her mother crying:

- I can't marry Joe! He's an atheist! He doesn't believe in God or Jesus or anything!

- Don't worry, Honey, - said her mom.

- But Mom, he doesn't even believe in Hell!

- Don't worry, Honey, - repeated her mom:

- you marry him...and we'll convince him!

What does the N on the Nebraska football helmet stand for?
→ "Nowledge."