Most viewed jokes

What do mice do when they're at home?
→ Mousework!

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. "Your organ," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side." Hurt, he replied: "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."

What part of a woman does a man like looking at best?
→ The top of her head.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Biggish

- Biggish who?

- No Thank you!

At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20.

Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed, replied:

- Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one.

What is the difference between men and women?
→ A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

A fire broke out in a six story apartment building last week in a near by town. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette escaped the flames by climbing up onto the roof.
When the fire department arrived they got out a blanket held it up and the Chief called out to the brunette to jump into the blanket.
The brunette jumped. As she was falling 'swoosh' the firefighters pulled the blanket away and she landed on the street like a brick.
The firefighters then held the blanket back up and the Chief told the redhead to jump.

- No way! I saw what you did to my friend - exclaimed the redhead.

- I am sorry - said the Chief.

- My wife was a brunette and she divorced me. I just don't like brunettes. We have no problems with redheads....jump it's your only chance.

So the redhead jumped.
On the way down 'swoosh' the firefighters pulled the blanket away and she hit the pavement like a tomato!
The firefighters again held up the blanket and the Chief told the blonde to jump.
The fire was getting worse and her only chance of survival was to jump.

- No I am not jumping. I saw what you did to my two friends.

- I'm sorry - said the Chief.

- I explained what happened to the brunette and when the redhead jumped we were a little distracted. It will not happen again, just jump!

The blonde thought for a moment:

- OK I'll jump - but first I want you to lay the blanket on the ground, back away, and then I'll jump into it.

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long.
The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend:

- My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.

There were once four kids, Poop, Shut Up, Manners, and Trouble.

Poop was riding his bike and fell. Manners went to help him up. Trouble got lost. Shut Up goes to the Police Station to report it.

- Officer: What's your name?

- Shut Up: Shut Up.

- Officer: What's your name?

- Shut Up: Shut Up.

- Officer: For the last time, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!

- Shut Up: Shut Up!

- Officer: Are you looking for Trouble?

- Shut Up: Yeah, we lost him about 2 miles back.

- Officer: Where's your Manners?

- Shut Up: Back there pickin' up Poop.

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him:

- Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.

- What did it say on the banners? - Clinton asks.

Saddam replies:

- Allah is god, god is Allah.

Clinton says:

- You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner.

- What could you see on the banners? - Saddam asks.

Clinton replies:

- I don't know. I can't read Hebrew.