Most viewed jokes

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool?
→ Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
→ Too many blondes were drowning.

Why do blonds have square boobs?
→ Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
→ 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
→ Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Why don't blondes double recipes?
→ The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
→ Proofreading.

Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
→ For throwing out the W's.

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
→ She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
→ The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
→ They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.

What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date?
→ If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

What's the Blonde's cheer?
→ "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
→ Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
→ She kept having affairs with men!

What does a blonde owl say?
→ What, what?

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
→ She threw it off a cliff.

How does a blonde kill a fish?
→ She drowns it.

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
→ Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
→ "Nice tits!"

How does a blonde high-5?
→ She smacks herself in the forehead.

Any argument that a man and woman are involved in, the woman gets the last word. Anything a man says afterwards is the beginning of a new argument.

A man marries a woman, expecting she will never change, and she does. A woman marries a man expecting he WILL change, and he doesn't.

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull." The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant." The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!" The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"

What's a mouse's favorite record?
→ Please cheese me!

What is the similarity between a woman and a washing machine?
→ They both leak when they're fucked!

A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said:

- I am blind drop it on the ground and i'll tell ya.

She dropped it on the ground.

- Aahh that's 10.00.

She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she picked it up. And went to pay for it.

- That will be 20.00

- But you said 10.00

- 10.00 extra for the stink bait and duck call.

A gent spots a nice looking gal in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name:

- Carmen - she replied.

- That's a nice name - he said warming up the conversation:

- Who named you, your mother?

- No, I named myself - she answered.

- Oh, that's interesting, why Carmen?

- Because I like cars, and I like men - she said looking directly into his eyes.

- What's your name?

- Beerfuck.

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
→ Outlaws are wanted.

A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.

The clerk asked:

- What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?

The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered:

- Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for 'cats'?