Most viewed jokes

yo momma so fat the back of her neck is like a pack of hot dogs

YO MAMAS SO POOR I SEE HER KICKING A CAN DOWN THE ROAD, I SAID "WHAT YAR DOING " SHE SAID "MOVING" !!!

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
→ Laughing stock.

I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor if, after surgery, I would be able to play the banjo. He said, "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy."

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress:

- Humph, not much of a man, was he?

The waitress replied:

- Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles.

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.

However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.

A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.

The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

The moral of the story:

1. Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend.
3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.

What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside?
→ A mouse sandwich!

The 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' franchise has a new Bucket of Chicken out. It's called the 'Hillary Clinton Bucket.' It contains two small breasts and two large thighs.

A boat load filled with Viagra sank in Baltimore Harbor.

They could not get the draw bridges down for a week.

A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play.

- What part? - the mother asked.

- I play a Jewish husband - the boy replied.

- Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!