Most viewed jokes

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:

Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool. When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and said:

- Did you notice the small dongs on the rich kids?

The other answered:

- Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play with!

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

- Ever have an accident?

- Nope, nary a one.

- None? You've never had any accidents.

- Nope. Ain't never had one. Never.

- Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?

- Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.

Clinton was asked who was a better lover: Monica Lewinsky or Paula Jones.

His response: Paula was good, but no cigar.

The doctor took Bill into the room and said, "Bill, I have some good news and some bad news." Bill said, "Give me the good news." "They're going to name a disease after you."

Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. "Please fill this immediately," she asked. "I've got people waiting in my car!"

yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!

The man walked past the armored car and hears people talking inside. He stepped closer to hear what they were saying: "I see you, and I'll raise you another sixty thousand."

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."

A little kid comes running into the backyard.

He says:

- Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!

- Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile.