Rhett Jacobs, Democratic candidate for the South Carolina House and a man who listed "education" as his top priority, submitted a required campaign disclosure form in October, handwritten, on which he detailed expenses for "filling fee," "campain work" and "litature."
Surfin' the Net
So I think I'm in the clear
the boss is no where in sight
I logon to the web and start to surf
and then my hair stands up with fright
the footsteps coming down the hall
are quickening in pace
there is no time to exit
no way to save my face
so I press the power button
and relax just a bit
there is no way he can tell
exactly what I hit
I act all surprised
don't know why my machine died
"simply unpredictable these
computers are!" I cried
"So we'll get you a new one
a computer that won't crash" he exclaims
Do you think he'll wonder
when the new one acts the same?
This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says:
- Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas.
- Sure - he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.
She says:
- Is this the first pussy you've seen since you crawled out of one?
The guy says:
- No, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into.
More cool than funny, but...
racecar <===> racecar
drawer <===> reward
repaid <===> diaper
straw <===> warts
evian <===> naive [there's a message here, I think!]
smug <===> gums
star <===> rats
step <===> pets
step on <===> no pets
After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband:
- Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?
The flattered husband said:
- No, dear they haven't.
The wife yells:
- Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?
What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
→ Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.
A Horse walks into a bar: "Hey buddy," says the bartender, "why the long face?"
Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.
She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.
On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney's mind:
- Do I tell my partner?
In October, the Swallows Hotel in Gateshead, England, offered 11 chronic snorers a free night's stay so they it could test how well soundproofed the rooms are. The hotel staff tape-recorded the sounds coming from the rooms and promised the loudest snorer a prize.
Top nine reasons computers must be female:
- Picky, picky, picky.
- They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
- Beauty is only shell deep.
- When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing".
- Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
- Always turning simple statements into big productions.
- Smalltalk is important.
- You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
- They make you take the garbage out.
