A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, "hey dad, look how fat that lady is!"
"Shhhh, quiet son, she'll hear you."
"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice!"
"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice and it's rude!"
Suddenly the fat lady's beeper goes off.
"Look out dad, she's backing up!"
Mrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comeshome from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, she says to the painter, "You wanna see wheremy husband put his hand last night?" He sighs and says, "Look, lady, I got a tough day's work aheadof me. Why don't you just make us a cup of tea?"
- First cannibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night?
- Second cannibal: That was no girl, that was my supper!
What do you do when two snails have a fight?
→ Leave them to slug it out!
What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time?
→ Cross mouse cards!
Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.
What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.
Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!
The decline has begun.
Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to the U.S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 enginerrs. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.
But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan.
If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity?
Giuseppi walks into work, and he says:
- Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?
Tony says:
- No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?
He says:
- Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen.
A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says:
- Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?
Tony says:
- No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?
He says:
- Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen.
A guy in the back of the shop yells:
- Yo, Giuseppi . . . you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?
He says:
- No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?
The guy yells:
- That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night school.
A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver:
- PULL OVER!
- NO! - the blonde yelled back.
- SCARF!
What happened to the glow worm who was squashed?
→ He was de-lighted!
