Most viewed jokes

What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?
→ "Not according to Dad."

What's brown and crispy on the outside, and white and creamy on the inside?
→ A cockroach.

Why did the fish Blush?

Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code?
→ A morese-quito!

The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes. One of the old villagers came up to him and said:

- Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?

The Vicar said:

- Good morning my man, I am fine, the wife is fine also as I left her in bed smoking.

The villager said:

- Arr, Vicar, that's the way to fuck 'em!

The priest leaned closer to hear the girl's confession. She continued:

- So me and my cousin were alone in the house, and went up to my bedroom...

The priest said gently:

- Go on, my child.

- I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on my....on my...

- Go on.

- On my pussy - stammered the girl, blushing behind the screen.

- And touched me and touched me until I couldn't help myself.

- Yes, go on - the priest directed.

- I pulled down his pants and his cock popped out, stiff and tall - the girl went on, with a little whimper of shame - and he began to shove it in me so hard...

- Yes, yes... Go on - he urged, breathing hard.

- And then we heard the front door slam--

- Oh, SHIT!!!!

What did the dumb blond say to the large breasted waitress after reading her name tag?
→ What did you name the other one!!

A guy enters a drugstore and lights up a cigar.

The owner, a bit outraged, says:

- Sir, please refrain from smoking here, it is a public place..

A bit bewildered, the guy answers:

- But it is only yesterday I bought those cigars here.

The owner quietly replies:

- Irrelevant, sir, we also sell condoms here!

George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil," answers the President. "But sir, what about the mad cow?!!" asks the waiter. "Oh," answers Dubya, "she'll order for herself."

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" The scared bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!" The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and says, "Alright, now give me a blowjob!" "Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!" The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in!"