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One blonde to another...

- Have you ever read Shakespeare?

- No. Who wrote it?

yo mama aint got no ears hollin bout let me hear both sides of da story!

Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality.

The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered him to investigate the matter.

The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the problem to him.

He said:

- Sir, the stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!

What is a yankee?
→ A quickie, but you do it yourself.

So one sperm says to the other:

- When do we get to the ovaries?

The other replies:

- Ovaries! We're not even past the throat yet!

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married." "Why not?" giggles the woman. "Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."

A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest:

- I had an affair with a woman... almost. The priest says:

- what do you mean almost? The man says:

- Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped. The priest replies:

- Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again, now say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box.

The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says:

- I saw that, you didn't put any money in the poor box! The man replied:

- Well Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!

Do you know why there aren't any ice cubes in Poland?
→ The inventor died and took the recipe with him.

One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding parents left us alone in the living room. Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway.

- If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter - I said to her.

Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back again.

- Here is a dollar - she said.

- I wanna watch.

Two blondes are passing by a fruit shop when the grocer calls to them:

- Bananas! 50 cents each or three for a dollar!

The girls stop and look at each other:

- Well I suppose we could always eat the third one!