Most viewed jokes

There was this guy & he had just bought a brand new Farrari F-50 and he was taking it for a cruise. He was stopped at a red light and this little boy on a mopehead stopped next to him and was at awe over the car. He asked the guy if he could ake a quick look inside and he agreed. Just as he was getting out of the car the boy asked the man how fast his car could go and he said. "oh, around 175-200. Want to see?" Of couse the boy nodded and waited for the light to turn green. The man took off at a very high rate of speed. As he was traveling down the road he saw a little light catching up with him and then flew right past him. 'no! it couldnt be the boy on the mopehead could it?' he asked to himself. Then the light came flying back and went way behind him. The guy then ralized that it indeed WAS the boy on the mopehead. Then the light started to catch up with him again. He slowed down a bit to catch up with the boy to find out exactly how he got the little bike to go that fast and in a stunned voice the boy looked at the man and siad.. "Would you mind taking my suspenders off your rear view mirror?"

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

- What's that? - she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

- Tennis ball - came the breathless reply.

- Oh - said the girl sympathetically - that must be painful. I had tennis elbow once.

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly:

- Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?

- I think so - the man replied. My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.

- I don't mean that - the priest responded. I mean, are you prepared spiritually?

- Oh, sure - came the reply. I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.

A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein:

- Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?

- No - said Mrs Finkelstein.

- I haven't. What's going on in Rome?

- A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things, decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus.

Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows:

- Indeed? And who is responsible, then?

- I'm not sure - said Mrs. Moskowitz.

- I think they suspect the Puerto Ricans.

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.

So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing.

- I'm blessing it - the priest replied.

The rabbi replied:

- Oh, - then he ran back into the synagogue.

He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

When is premature ejaculation a serious problem?
→ When it occurs between "hello" and "what's your sign?"

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks:

- What are you doing?

She replies:

- I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.

The husband retorts:

- Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?

She replies:

- Frankly dear, your name never came up.

A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical.

- What's wrong? - her mum, (another blonde) asked.

- My boyfriend's just dropped me - wailed the blonde.

Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees.

- No mum - the blonde interrupted.

- You don't understand - I can fuck and suck with the best of them, but he says I can't cook!

Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer,it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send andreceive personal e-mail, calculate your finances andgenerally have a blast without doing anything remotelyrelated to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefitsthat the proponents of the computer revolution would like totalk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught byyour boss -and you will get caught - your best defence isto claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thussaving valuable training dollars.

A travelling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes.

The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began to boast about his past:

- Yes sir, I'm a fine horse. I've run in 25 races and won over £5 million. I keep my trophies in the barn.

The salesman worked out the value of having a talking horse, found the horse's owner and offered a handsome sum for the animal.

- Oh, you don't want that horse, - said the farmer.

- Yes I do, - said the salesman.

- and I'll give you £10,000 for the horse.

Recognising a good deal, the farmer said without hesitation:

- He's yours.

While he wrote out his cheque, the salesman asked:

- By the way, why wouldn't I want your horse?

- Because, - said the farmer.

- He's a liar - he hasn't won a race in his life.