Most viewed jokes

You know you're in a small town:

- when you don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going.

- if you're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local merchants because you're the first baby of the year.

- if you speak to each dog you pass, by name ..... and he wags his tail at you

- if you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.

- when the biggest business in town sells farm machinery.

- if you write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.

- if you missed church on Sunday and the preacher sends you a get-well card!

One day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy's car in the girl's driveway. They began to get pretty hot and heavy when the guy reached into his pants and placed his cock in her hand.

She froze, jumped up and said:

- I've got two words for you, DROP DEAD!

Then he said:

- I've got two words for you, LET GO!.

Yo mama head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.
Yo mama head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.

Hillary and Chelsea were having a deep dish heart to heart talk about Chelsea's college experiences.

- Hillary: So have you found dating to be a fulfilling experience?

- Chelsea: It's okay..but i don't like how the boys sometimes act like real sex hounds.

- Hillary: Well, uh, have you, uh, actually had sex?

- Chelsea: Well Mom, no, not IF you define sex the way Daddy does.

One of the life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

Don't you just hate it when you go to the doctor, and you're sitting on the examination table telling him about your symptoms, and with each new one you describe, he backs a little further away?

At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head:

- No. A clerk came over and asked:

- May I help you?

- I don't know - said the woman.

- Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began. "You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. "I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued. "The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him. "Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on. "That would be the usher," Charlie explained. "Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said. "You mean the aisle," Charlie said. "Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued. "Pew," Charlie retorted. "Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."

Three guys were sitting in a bar talking.

One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker.

After a sip of his martini, the doctor said:

- You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at least like the Mercedez, and she will know that I love her.

After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied:

- Well, on my last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, she would at least like the trip, and she would know that I love her.

The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said:

- Yah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a tee-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the tee-shirt, she could go fuck herself.

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car. His father took him into his study and said:

- I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Talmud a little, get your hair cut and then we'll talk about it.

After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father's study where the father said:

- Son, I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied the Talmud diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut.

The young man waited a moment and then replied:

- You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.

The rabbi said:

- Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.