Most viewed jokes

The 4 Basic Food Groups for Police Officers

1. Glazed
2. Jelly
3. Powdered
4. Chocolate Frosted

The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly:

- Colonel! - he spat out.

- Yes, general! - the colonel quavered.

- Your troops, your troops, - stormed the general.

- They look very nice, they stand very nice, but they stink, man, they stink! Can't you get them to change their underwear?

He strode away furiously. The colonel sniffed for himself:

- The general, yes, he's right. Now, Luigi change with Guiseppi, Carlo change with Giovanni...

- Father: Why did you put a toad in your sister's bed?

- Son: I couldn't find a spider.

What did the worm say to the other when he was late home?
→ Where in earth have you been!

What is the most breathless thing on television?
→ The Pink Panter Show!

What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?
→ A terrified postman!

When is a lion not a lion?
→ When he turns into his cage!

What do cat actors say on stage?
→ Tabby or not tabby!

What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
→ I'm paw!

What do you call a lioin who has eaten your mother's sister?
→ An aunt-eater!

What do tigers wear in bed?
→ Stripey pyjamas!

Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge?
→ Because it turns "ice" into "mice"!

A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers:

- I can lick any man in the place!

The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says:

- Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
→ A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off.

New scientific theories4th RunnerUp-- The earth may spin faster on its axis due todeforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increaseswhen the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of talltrees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says:

- thank you for not disturbing my buttercups. For that I shall make sure that you always have a full supply of butter.

- Thank you - the golfer replied - but where were you last week when I hit the ball into the pussywillows?

If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?