Most viewed jokes

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says:

- So, why the long face?

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says:

- Ok, old fellow, time to retire.

The old rooster says:

- You can't handle all these chickens....look at what it did to me!

The young rooster replies:

- Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike.

The old rooster says:

- Aw, c'mon.....just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you.

The young rooster says:

- Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!

So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster:

- I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop.

The young rooster says:

- You know I'm going to beat you, old man, just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start.

They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck:

- Go!

and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! he blows the young rooster to bits. He sadly shakes his head and says:

- Dammit, third gay rooster I bought this week!

You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

What does an aardvark keep in his aquarium?
→ An aard-shark!

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"

One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our boss thought that, since we work with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet. After we contacted a fast food chain's web site and spent a long time registering as new customers for the delivery service, a message appeared on the screeen: "Thank you for your business. You will be able to order food in three days."

Seattle, Washington:
The new U.S. Weather Service radar on Camano Island and atmospheric profiler at Sand Point began to pick up a mysterious 20 mile per hour wind out of the south each night about a month ago, a wind that started about sunset and ended at dawn.

Forecasters finally realized the new instrument is almost too accurate for its own good: It was detecting no wind, but the annual nighttime migration of thousands of birds towards the north, said a meteorologist.

The city of Whittier, California was founded many years ago, mainly by Quakers. There is a prominent sign composed of large, brass letters on one of the financial institutions in that community identifying it as the Quaker City Bank. The last letter of the first word fell off during an earthquake yesterday, making the sign read "Quake City Bank."

About 85% of women are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 84% wish they didn't have to.

A tourist asks a man in uniform:

- Are you a policeman?

- No, I am an undercover detective.

- So why are you in uniform?

- Today is my day off.