The medical student was asked four reasons why mother's milk was better for babies than cow's milk. This is the answer he submitted:
He also added:
- It comes in such cute containers.
IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS
Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from girl. Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends. Girlfriends, take heed!! There is a new drug that is in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to induce their male victims to have sex with them. The shocking news is that the drug is available virtually anywhere! It goes by the street name "Beer". All girls have to do is buy a "Beer" or two for almost any guy and then simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered literally helpless against such tactics.
Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing?
→ Because the runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide.
Why does a cow wear a bell?
→ Because his horns are broke!
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression.
- Dad - the boy said finally - if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ...
- Yes, son? - the father said expectantly.
- What bus should I take home? - the boy finished.
Boyle sat in a Belfast confessional. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," he said. "I've blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!" "All right, my son," admonished the priest. "For penance, finish off the stations!"
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way
OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do
OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away
OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in
OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper
OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off
OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL
OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding
OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts:
- Ready . . . Aim . . .
Suddenly the brunette yells:
- earthquake!!
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts:
- Ready . . . Aim . . .
The redhead then screams:
- tornado!!
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts:
- Ready . . . Aim . . .
The blonde shouts:
- fire!!
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says:
- So, why the long face?
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says:
- Ok, old fellow, time to retire.
The old rooster says:
- You can't handle all these chickens....look at what it did to me!
The young rooster replies:
- Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike.
The old rooster says:
- Aw, c'mon.....just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you.
The young rooster says:
- Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!
So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster:
- I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop.
The young rooster says:
- You know I'm going to beat you, old man, just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start.
They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck:
- Go!
and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! he blows the young rooster to bits. He sadly shakes his head and says:
- Dammit, third gay rooster I bought this week!
