If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that there is an exception to every rule.
If we accept "For every rule there is an exception" as a rule, then we must concede that there may not be an exception after all, since the rule states that there is always the possibility of exception, and if we follow it to its logical end we must agree that there can be an exception tothe rule that for every rule there is an exception.
A construction worker goes to the doctor and says:
- Doc, I'm constipated.
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says:
- Lean over the table.
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom.
He comes out a few minutes later and says:
- Doc, I feel great. What should I do?
The doctor says:
- Stop wiping with cement bags.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman taking a shower?
→ The nun has hope in her soul.
While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn't enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he reflected unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said:
- What happened, did I hurt you ?
"Why no, not at all," said his surprised wife. "Whatever made you ask that ?"
"Well, no reason actually," the bored husband replied with a sigh, "It's just that for a moment there, I thought you actually moved."
Did you hear about the new German microwave oven?
→ It seats 500.
How do you know Monica Lewinsky is Jewish?
→ If she wasn't, she wouldn't have stained her dress.
Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said:
- Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open.
He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was open. So, he decided to have a little fun with his secretary and called her back into his office.
- By the way Miss Smith, When you noticed my barracks door open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention ? - he said.
- Why no sir - she replied.
- All I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags.
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
- What are they doing, Grandma? - asked the little girl.
The grandmother was embarrased, so she said:
- The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.
- They're just like people, aren't they Grandma? - said the little one.
- How do you mean? - asked the Grandma.
- Offer someone a helping hand - said the little girl - and they fuck you everytime!
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh
Never have a white Christmas
When you in Melbourne live
Wearing hot pants on the beach
When you your presents give
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh
Chestnuts roasting on the sidewalk
Castles in the sand
Eating ice-cream, having good talks
Warm Christmas, isn't that grand?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."
A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."
