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When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.

AFC West

Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys
Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs
Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders
San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers
Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks

AFC Central

Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels
Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns
Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers
Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers

AFC East

Buffalo Bills - Buffalo Nils / Buffalo Spills
Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts
Miami Dolphins - Miami Stallfins / Miami Soft Ones
New England Patriots - New England Patsys
New York Jets - New York Pets / New York Not Yets

NFC West

Atlanta Falcons - Atlanta Fellcons
New Orleans Saints - New Orleans Aint's
Los Angeles Rams - Los Angeles Lambs
San Francisco 49ers - San Francisco Whiners

NFC Central

Chicago Bears - Chicago Fairs
Detroit Lions - Detroit Cryin's / Detroit Kittens
Green Bay Packers - Green Bay Fudgepackers / Green Bay Slackers / Green Bay Whackers
Minnesota Vikings - Minnesota Tykes / Minnesota ViQueens
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Tampa Bay Yuccaneers

NFC East

Arizona Cardinals - Arizona Tardynals
Dallas Cowboys - Dallas Cowgirls / Dallas Cowpie
New York Giants - New York Midgets
Philadelphia Eagles - Philadelphia Beagles
Washington Redskins - Washington Deadskins

Expansion Teams

Carolina Panthers - Carolina Can't-thers
Jacksonville Jaguars - Jacksonville Saguars

We have a young married couple in the neighborhood who are truly inseparable. Last week, it took four Howard County Policemen and a dog.

What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?
→ The wrong answer.

Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.

After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.

- Fifteen dollars, Ma'am - he answered.

- Why that's simply outrageous! - she stormed.

- That's what's wrong with you Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors.

- Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?

- Raise porcupines, Ma'am.

Food quotes, quips, and thoughts . . .

- Artichokes ... are just plain annoying ... After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual 'food' out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead. - Miss Piggy

- The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Sam Levinson

- This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them. - Gracie Allen

- I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. - Erma Bombeck

- I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

- I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead. - Woody Allen

- Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz

- Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

- Watermelon -- it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face. - Enrico Caruso

- Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that is sitting near him that he can fart out the tune to The Star Spangelled Banner!

Everyone who hears this wants to see him do it. So he tells everyone to gather around him, then he climbs up on the bar, drops his trousers and proceeds to take a massive dump on the bar counter. After he finishes the disgusted bartender says:

- Why in the hell did you shit on my bar?

The drunk replies:

- Even Elvis had to clear his throat!

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said:

- I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk.

Our wasted friend asked:

- Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?

- Yeah, buddy, I'm sure - said the copper.

- Let's go.

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said:

- Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple.

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
→ 1. No mind 2. No business.

Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live?
→ When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months.

With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic.

To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies.

I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator.

As a reminder, I wrote at the top:

- IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN.

When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message:

- MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT 'OUT OF IT.'