A party of economists was climbing in the Alps. After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun. Finally he said, 'OK see that big mountain over there?' 'Yes', answered the others eagerly. 'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'
A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims:
- I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.
- Bartender: Yeah! Sure...go ahead.
- Man: What covers a house?
- Dog: Roof!
- Man: How does sandpaper feel?
- Dog: Rough!
- Man: Who was the greatest ball player of all time?
- Dog: Ruth!
- Man: Pay up. I told you he could talk.
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says:
- or is the greatest player Mantle?
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the rates. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.
The frog said to the princess:
- I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying:
- I don't think so.
If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
Where do you find a no legged dog?
→ Right where you left him.
Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants?
→ Ronald MacAardvark!
A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said:
- Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers.
A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.
She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of vomit, and slurs:
- I don't remember eating that!
