Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband's penis. She was driving down the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car travelling in the opposite direction.
- Shit - said the driver to his passenger. What kind of bug was that?
- Dunno - he replied. But did you see the size of the cock on it?!
Sue reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused because she believes she's prejudice. "I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin." "Sit down," says the judge. "That's the prosecuting attorney."
A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went as follows:
- D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear.
- L: ?eh?
- D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!
- L: ?? EH??
- D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! -- A SUPPOSITORY!!!
- L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid....
This girl I know told me she was so horny her own tongue's starting to feel good in her mouth.
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked:
- What's so funny Pat?
- Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.
- Get out of my classroom - she yells.
- I don't want to see you for three days.
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks:
- What's so funny Billy?
- Well miss, I just saw both of your garters.
Again she yells:
- Get out of my classroom!
This time the punishment is more severe:
- I don't want to see you for three weeks.
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
- Where do you think you are going? - she asks.
- Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!
Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp?
→ Everyone would be afraid to lick it.
Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was screaming:
- Help me! Help me!
Mary Jane laughed and laughed! She knew that the shark was never going to help that man!
What's a blonde's mating call?
→ I think I'm drunk.
How do you keep a blond(e) busy?
→ Give him/her a bag of M&Ms and ask her to alphabetize them.
Why does that work?
→ 'Does 3 come before E or between M and W?'
Did you hear about the witch who had the ugliest baby in the world?
→ She didn't push the pram - she pulled it.
