Most viewed jokes

What works in a circus, walks a tightrope and has claws?
→ An acrocat!

What did the female cat say to the male cat?
→ You're the purrfect cat for me!

What did the jack say to the car?
→ "Can I give you a lift?"

A Soviet emigre doctor gets a call from the Medicaid office. "You've been billing us for weekly house calls to Mr. Ivanov for the last six months. Haven't you noticed that Mr. Ivanov has passed away?"

"Sure I noticed! He was my favorite patient, I visit him at cemetery."

If you constantly hear a married man brag about how he runs everything around the house, you can be sure that he is referring to the lawn mower, the car, the errands, and the baby carriage.

- Patient: Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction.

- Young dentist: Don't worry, it's my first extraction too.

Why do cows think cooks are mean?
→ They whip cream!

What do cows read at the breakfast table?
→ The moospaper!

What animals do you bring to bed?
→ Your calves.

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.

Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.

Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.

Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.

"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze."

Matt replies, "And we weren't?"