Most viewed jokes

A Soviet emigre boy and girl come to a doctor's office and say: "Doctor, we would like to know if we are screwing properly. Will you watch us, please?"

The doctor, somewhat puzzled, agrees, they climb on his table, the boy gets on top of the girl, and they have sex. After observing them, the doctor says, "Yes, you're having sex properly. That will be forty dollars."

They come back the next day with the same request, but this time the boy enters the girl from the rear. They keep coming for four days in a row, using different positions every day.

On the fifth visit the doctor says, "Why do you keep on coming back? I told you you're having sex properly."

The boy explains, "The hotel room costs the same forty dollars, but this way we get reimbursed by Medicaid."

There was this eighty-year-old man who was seeing the doctor for a checkup. The doctor asked why he needed the checkup. The man was getting married next month to a girl 60 years his junior. The doctor tried to talk him out of the marriage, and it didn't work.

However, the doctor suggested, "If you want your marriage to last, I say you at least take in a boarder."

The old man agreed.

The old man didn't see the doctor until they met at a fund-raiser a year later.

The old man says, "Doc, congratulate me, my wife is pregnant."

"That's good news," said the doctor. "I knew the boarder would help."

"Oh," said the old man with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant as well."

Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.

Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?"

"Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl!"

What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
→ Men usually miss all three.

What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
→ One's a phony buck.

If a man was born in England, raised in America and died in Spain, what does that make him?
→ Dead.

What do you call a line dancer on a cruise?
→ An Ocean "Liner"

- I've been invited to an avoidance.

- An avoidance? What's that?

- It's a dance for people who hate each other.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Burglar

- Burglar who?

- Burglars don't knock!

What advice do cows give?
→ Turn the udder cheek and mooooove on!