Most viewed jokes

- Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.

- Oh dear, that's a lot of calories!

What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
→ A $20 bill

In a nursing home, there is this old woman named Gladys who likes to walk around and flash people. She walks up to a nun, opens her robe and yells:

- Super Pussy!

The nun says:

- Gladys, you know you're not supposed to do that. Now go back to your room.

Gladys starts walking back and sees the minister. She walks up to him, opens her robe and yells:

- Super Pussy!

The minister is shocked and tells her to go back to her room. As she continues, she sees an old man lying on the bed. She walks in, flashes him, and yells:

- Super Pussy!

The man slowly turns his head and says:

- Thanks, I think I'll have the soup.

What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
→ Beef-flat!

How did the calf's final exam turn out?
→ Grade A!

Wouldn't it be nice to tell the Dean of your college what you REALLY think about him/her? Well, if you like your Dean as much as I like my Dean, then you'd better keep your mouth shut. I knew I'd get kicked out of the college if I expressed my true feelings, so I remained silent for the last four years.

But yesterday was my graduation. And as I walked across the stage, the Dean handed my diploma to me (nicely scrolled and tied with a ribbon).

Once she handed it to me, I could finally tell that bitch what I REALLY thought about her. So I leaned across her podium and I looked her straight in the eye.

- Hey Bitch - I said.

- You're so damn ugly, you could practice birth control just by leaving the lights on!

And then I walked off the stage, and went home. I gotta tell you that it felt just as good as I had imagined it would for the last four years.

Today, I unwrapped my diploma, framed it, and hung it in the living room, where it proudly exclaims to the world:

- In order to receive your diploma, please present this certificate to the Dean of your college after final grades have been posted!

Pig Breeding by Lena Bacon

The Lost Bet by Henrietta Hart

A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED.

- Yes.

Patient walks into a doctor's office.

- Doctor, people ignore me.

- Next!