Most viewed jokes

How do you protect a valuable instrument?
→ Hide it in an accordion case.

How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ WHAT?

Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel?
→ Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?
→ The patients get better and leave.
Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God.
The staff have the keys!

Men are like soap operas.
They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.

- A penny for your thoughts - she said.

- It's amazing! - he replied.

- I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.

An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.

- Well - says the old fellow - I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves.

The policeman looks at the old man and says:

- You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!

So the old man says:

- I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Czech

- Czech who?

- Czech before you open the door!

Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor. The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.

Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor. This tailor measured Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and said:

- There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please come back in a week to take your suit.

After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor's son wearing trousers made of the same cloth. Perplexed, he asked:

- Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the other tailor could not make a suit only?

- It's very simple - replied the tailor.

- The other tailor has two sons.

How did the toad die?
→ He simply croaked!