Most viewed jokes

What's the easiest way for a Gorilla hunter to make money?
→ Collect unemployment insurance!

Fred wrote in her homework book: Margarine is butter made from imitation cows.

- Fred: Do you like my new hairstyle?

- Harry: In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.

What did the elephant say to the famous detective?
→ It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock!

How do comedians send messages?
→ By tee-hee mail.

Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work?
→ In case they have to draw blood.

While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling. Nodding to me, she said:

- Thank goodness my work is completed. I'm so glad to have found a painless dentist and one who's so gentle and understanding too.

When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor. He laughed and explained:

- Oh, that was just my Mother.

Why did the cowboy's car stop?
→ It had Injun (engine) trouble.

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken aback, and requested collateral.

- Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce - the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. The loan officer checked the records and told him:

- That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest.

The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away.

- Wait sir - the loan officer said.

- while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow?

The man smiled:

- Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

- I need someone with an accounting degree - the man said.

- But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me.

- Excuse me? - the accountant said.

- I worry about a lot of things - the man said.

- But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.

- I see - the accountant said.

- And how much does the job pay?

- I'll start you at eighty thousand.

- Eighty thousand dollars! - the accountant exclaimed.

- How can such a small business afford a sum like that?

- That - the owner said - is your first worry.