Most viewed jokes

What kind of dog always needs a shave?
→ A bearded collie!

Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
→ Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

Whats the difference between your wife and your job?
→ After 10 years, the job still sucks.

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules, saying:

- The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule once will be fined $50.

He continued:

- Anyone caught breaking this rule a second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $400. Are there any questions?

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

- How much for a season pass?

Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
→ He heard the snow blower coming.

The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury.

- All right! - he raged

- all right! Who did it? What goldarned varmint painted my horse blue?

The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie rose from a chair by the door.

- It was me, shrimp - he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists

- what about it?

- Oh, well, er - stammered little Pete wretchedly

- all I wanted to say was. . .when are you going to give it another coat?

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church:

- When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral - Joe began

- You mean the parking lot - interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow

- I walked up the trail to the door - Joe continued

- The sidewalk to the door - Charlie corrected him

- Inside the door, I was met by this dude - Joe went on

- That would be the usher - Charlie explained

- Well, the usher led me down the chute - Joe said

- You mean the aisle - Charlie said

- Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there - Joe continued

- Pew - Charlie retorted

- Yeah - recalled Joe

- That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her.

Where do cars get the most flat tires?
→ Where there is a fork in the road.

- Policeman: I suppose you're going to tell me you weren't speeding.

- Motorist: I was speeding all right, but I was testing you to see if you were paying attention.