Most viewed jokes

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first one said:

- I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered.

- I think librarians are the easiest - said the second surgeon.

- When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered.

The third surgeon said:

- I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded.

The fourth one said:

- I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their ass are interchangeable.

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. - Isn't it true, - he bellowed, - that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

- Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case? - the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said:

- Sir, please answer the question.

- Oh, - the startled witness said, - I thought he was talking to you.

How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle?
→ Somebody took a corner!

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
→ Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!

What do you call a snake that informs the police?
→ A grass snake!

What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed?
→ Sleep in the wardrobe!

- Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?

- Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.

An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table:

- This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc.

Then came the dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for the explanation.
Silence.

- Well? - he finally asked.

- What's this?

The waiter replied:

- It's a friend of duck.

While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.

A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him:

- What do you think you're doing?

After a moment the man replied:

- ... Well, I've always wanted to strike a happy medium.