Most viewed jokes

What's blue and sings alone?
→ Dan Ackroyd.

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated:

- This is where your problem is.

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded with the following account:

Chalk: $1
Knowing where to put it: $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

How much money did the bronco have?
→ Only a buck!

How do you lead a horse to water?
→ With lots of carrots.

Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween?
→ It was for 'tick or tweet'!

- Doctor, doctor, I'm so ugly. What can I do about it?

- Hire yourself out for Halloween parties.

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

- Our flag symbolizes our taxes - he said.

- We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.

- That's the same with us - the American said.

- only we see stars, too.

How do you make a dog float?
→ Take two scoops of ice cream, a couple of squirts of soda and a small dog.

- Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.

- Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
→ The swallow.