Most viewed jokes

Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?
→ She thought children should be seen and not herded!

What happens if an axe falls on your car?
→ You have an ax-i-dent (accident).

How do you deal with heavy traffic?
→ Heavy psychedelics.

Two government economists were returning home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were occupying the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle.

They continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they could talk and he could sleep.

After switching seats, one economist remarked to the other that it was the first time an economic discussion ever kept anyone awake.

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers.

- As I'm sure you can understand - she started off with one of the first applicants, in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.

She leaned forward.

- Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?

- Honest? - replied the job prospect.

- Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.

- Impressive. And what sort of case was that? - asked the investment counselor.

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted:

- He sued me for the money.

English Folk Customs by Morris Dancer

What goes Blonde, Brunette, Blonde, Brunette?
→ A blonde doing cartwheels.

What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
→ The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

A businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to the Toyota motor people. Needless to say, this was an especially important deal, and it was imperative that he make the best possible impression.

On the morning of the presentation he awoke to find himself passing gas, in large volumes, with the unpleasant characteristic of sounding like "HONDA." The man was besides himself. Every few minutes "HONDA", "HONDA"....

Unable to stop this aberrant behavior, and in desperate need to terminate these odious and rather embarrassing emissions, he sought a physicians aid. After a full examination, the doctor told him that there was nothing inherently wrong with him and that he would just have to wait it out.

Being unwilling to accept this state of affairs he visited a second and then a third doctor all of whom told him the same thing. Finally one medic suggested that he visit a dentist. Well, although he could not see how a dentist was going to be of any help, he visited one anyway.

Lo and behold, the dentist said:

- Ah, there's the problem!

- What is it? - the man asked.

- Why you have an abscess - said the dentist.

- An abscess? How could that be causing my problem? - asked the man.

- That's easy - replied the dentist.

- Why everyone knows... Abscess makes the fart go Honda! (peeeeeeeeyeeeeeeeeew...hahahahahah)

- Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.

- How do you feel?

- A little down in the mouth.