Most viewed jokes

Why doesn't Kermit like elephants?
→ They always want to play leap-frog with him.

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

How do you tune a fish?
→ With its scales!

What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
→ Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

What's big and grey and wears a mask?
→ The elephantom of the opera!

- Why are you studying your Easter candy?

- I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!

Which dog eats with its tail?
→ All dogs keep their tails on when eating.

What dog wears contact lenses?
→ A cock-eyed spaniel!

A man and his son were shovelling the driveway after a heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wandered away from them. Man, fearing the dog might be hit by car, shouted angrily: "Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!" The dog charged happily back over to them, accompanied by a commuter who had been standing at the bus stop. "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" she asked.

While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who was pretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, he found out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately, the executive found himself unable to perform.

On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroom to find his wife covered in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her face creamed, munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine.

Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection.

Looking down at this, he snarled:

- Why you ungrateful, mixed-up son of a bitch. Now I know why they call you a prick!