- Is everyone in the bus? - asked the driver before he closed the door.
- No - called a lady, wait until I get my clothes on.
All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.
Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
→ So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
The following phrase:
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA
can be rearranged (with no letters left over, and using each letter only once) into:
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
Coincidence? I think not!
One day some guys were doing a survey between "boxers" or "briefs".
They went to a 25 year old man and said:
- boxers or briefs? - He said briefs.
They went to a 40 year old man and said:
- boxers or briefs? - He said boxers.
Then they went up to a 80 year old man and said:
- boxers or briefs?
And the old man replied:
- depends?
This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.
- Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
- Well, give me the really bad news first.
- You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
- And the bad news?
- You have Alzheimer's disease.
- Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!
- Doctor, my husband tells me my pussy's too big. So I'd like you to tell me if you find it unusual.
- Please, take off your clothes and I'll have you examined.
- (shouting) What a giant pussy!! What a giant pussy!!
- (angry) Did you have to say it twice?!?
- I didn't! I didn't!
- Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!
- So, since when did you have this problem?
- What problem?
A woman walks into the local pharmacy and ask's to see sanitary napkins.
The pharmacist replies:
- We have mini-pads and maxi-pads, which do you prefer?
The woman asks:
- What's the difference?
Pharmacist replies:
- It depends on what you flow is like!
Woman replies:
- My flo? My flo is linoleum!
A funeral procession was winding it's way to the cemetery on top of the hill outside town, when the hearse hit a bump.
The coffin was bumped loose, fell out onto the road and began sliding back toward town. (It was a steep hill) It slid faster and faster. Finally, it reached the town and was skidding its way down Main St.
Suddenly, at one intersection, the coffin hit a curb, flew onto the sidewalk, smashed through the front glass window of the pharmacy, and slammed up against the prescription counter.
The lid popped off, the corpse sat up and said..:
- You got anything to stop this coffin?
A man calls the psychiatrist at a mental hospital and asks who's in room 24.
- Nobody - comes the reply.
- Good - says the man - I must have escaped!
