Most viewed jokes

What kind of elephants live in Antartica?
→ Cold ones!

- Would you like something from my Easter basket?

- Sure!

- Here. Have some plastic grass.

What is a Chihuahua's favorite sport?
→ Miniature golf!

Which dog can tell time?
→ A watchdog.

What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
→ Sweet fuck all.

Why did the little kid dance on the jar of jam?
→ Because the top said:

- Twist to open.

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register.

- Cash or charge? - the clerk asked.

- Cash - I snapped.

Then, apologizing for my rudeness, I explained:

- I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau.

- Shall I giftwrap the bat? - the clerk asked sweetly.

- Or are you going back there?

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'

The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read 'MAIN ENTRANCE'.

Why don't cannibals like to eat Carl Lewis?
→ He gives them runs!

What is a bus?
→ A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.